12. Pixar’s new movie has a gay joke in the trailer
Pixar’s Inside Out hasn’t been released as of this writing, but there’s already some cheeky humor in the trailer. In the movie, which centers on a little girl and the living emotions inside of her brain, one of the characters asserts that San Francisco is a bear-free zone. As adults who are aware of both San Fran’s thriving gay community and the existence of Grindr profile pages, we know that “bear” in this context is probably not referring to a woodland critter.
If you think they could have been talking about anything other than a really hairy guy, this line came next:
This is one of those quips that makes little sense if you’re a kid and way too much sense as an adult.
11. Genie’s wedding night orgasm gag in Aladdin: The King of Thieves
The Aladdin trilogy follows a trajectory similar to Indiana Jones: The first one is a classic, the second one is the black sheep and the third movie returns to form with the help of Sean Connery playing a father who is Scottish for some reason.
But instead of surly jabs regarding Nazi sleeptalking habits, Aladdin: The King of Thieves’ one-liner highlight comes during an earthquake at a wedding.
Yep, that’s a reference to two teenagers achieving climax through intercourse, in a direct-to-video Disney cartoon. You know, it makes a surprising amount of sense when you put it all in a sentence like that.
10.The dick joke you missed in Frozen
When it comes to Frozen, by now you’ve tried to scrub the movie from your brain, or your proximity to kids who sing “Let It Go” non-stop has made your body form a numb emotional shell around your heart, preventing you from seeing anything but white noise.
Either way, you might’ve missed this quick prick dig while Kristoff and Anna are arguing over how well she knows Hans.
This of course, follows the popular myth: You know what they say about guys with big feet…
9. Groupies flash Lightning McQueen in Cars
At the beginning of the first Cars movie, Lightning McWilson is at the top of the world. He’s the prize of the racing world, to the point where he’s got groupies. Groupies that flash him.
It never really made sense that the cars’ eyes were on their windshield, and not their headlights. Then again, I guess you have to have a place for the nipples.
You can spot more inappropriate innuendo on the highway.
That is straight-up a strip joint for cars, or at the very least an automobile Hooters. Apparently convertibles are more desirable in the Cars world, and I never, ever want to know why that is.
8. The Sanderson Sisters accidentally offer sex to a bus driver in Hocus Pocus
By the time the Sanderson Sisters get ressurrected in Hocus Pocus, they’ve been gone a while. They missed the moon landing, the Walkman and the point in time where an adult could say they “desire children” without being put on a government list.
But it’s not like they’re pedophiles. The sisters only want to eat the life essence of young people so that they can continue on living forever and continue feeding on the souls of prepubescent boys and girls. And who can say that thought has never crossed their mind?
The bus driver they’re talking to however, is in a completely different headspace.
Please, dude. These ladies are in no way interested in the world’s worst foursome, much less one without contraception. Next time, just point the way to the most helpless, delicious preteens available and keep your pervy comments to yourself.
7. Mr. Potato Head’s marital blowjob reference in Toy Story 3
Lotso might be one of the ruthless Disney villains. He may masquerade as some wise, fluffy Foghorn Leghorn type, but Lotso is so rude that he once popped the lips off of Mrs. Potato Head’s face just because he didn’t like what she was saying.
As you can imagine, Mr. Potato Head was none too happy about this.
here’s gotta be a better way of phrasing that besides alluding to Hasbro-branded fellatio.
6. Cruella De Vil thinks bestiality is hilarious
If you’re not familiar with the live-action 90s version of 101 Dalmatians, there’s not much you need to know except that Cruella de Vil is now a fashion mogul and worse than ever. The whole thing is basically The de Vil Wears Prada.
Of course, Meryl Streep never joked about a dude fucking a dog.
That’s not the only instance of off-color humor in this movie. Horace and Jasper manage to squeeze in a small bit, too.
It’s almost as mindblowing as you realizing that’s Dr. House and Arthur Weasley.
5. Cars 2 has a subtle nod to a NSFW internet meme
If you’ve seen Cars 2, well, no health insurance plan is going to cover that. If you haven’t seen Cars 2, all you need to know is that the bad guys are the Lemons — as in, clunker cars that no one wants. They’re angry at the beautiful cars and want to see them fail.
When their schemes appear to be going according to plan, the Lemons are so happy that they have a little party…
Yep. The Lemons are having a party. A Lemon Party. At this point in your internet experience, you either already know what a Lemon Party is, or you should not under any circumstances Google Lemon Party. 4. Wreck-It Ralph calls Pac-Man a pussy hound
At the start of the movie, Wreck-it Ralph is understandably a little miffed that no one invited him to his own video game’s 30th anniversary party. But that doesn’t mean he had to take it out on Pac-Man.
I’ll help you out a bit here. According to UrbanDictionary, a cherry chaser is “An adult male chasing a young girl’s virginity.” Hopefully Ms. Pac-Man knows what she’s getting into.
As for dot-muncher, let’s just say that Pac-Man is going down on these girls and stimulating their clitoris with his gaping, angular maw. Was that specific enough, or would it help if you heard Pac-Man’s eating sounds? Don’t blame me for that image in your head — blame Disney.
3. Miss Piggy strongly implies human-muppet sex
Kermit and Miss Piggy’s reunion in Muppet Treasure Island is sweet, but at the same time marred by some disturbing implications. Yes, Miss Piggy found another man, but that’s not a big deal — she’s her own sow, she can do what she wants. What’s actually disconcerting is her explanation. “He was a pirate, I was a lady… you know the story.”
Do we? Do we know the story? Because the stories of pirates and ladies I know don’t involve a respectful relationship, let alone the consent of both parties
But that’s nothing compared to when Long John shows up.
Again, nothing wrong with Miss Piggy playing the field, but did she really have to make us imagine how long Tim Curry’s dong is? And how she might have come across that information?
Disney, man. It’s almost as if…
2. Penises are everywhere
Everyone knows about the urban legends surrounding The Little Mermaid. There’s the hidden phallus on the cover of the “banned” VHS tape, and also the minister who supposedly sports a chubby during the wedding scene (even though it’s totally his knees, guys).
But weiners have wormed their way all sorts of other Disney movies. Like this scene in Hercules, for instance; someone took hours to hand-craft this frame in which a centuar falling through the air looks exactly like a big black baby-maker.
If you think that’s a coincidence, this is the same minotaur a few seconds later, now with a bulging, throbbing headache.
It dates back decades, all the way back to Bambi. When Flower gets his first kiss, he swells up with blood and becomes stiff as a board.
There’s not any other way to say it: That skunk’s whole body turned into a raging, impossibly smelly boner.
It’s like the time Buzz’s wings flew out of his back because he was impressed with Jesse.
But those are all nothing compared to the time…
1. Kronk pitched a tent in The Emperor’s New Groove
This is more than just another dick joke. Only a world-class, multi-billion dollar mega-corporation like Disney could give us a visual penis pun of this quality.